There comes a chapter in everybody’s book or more precisely every girl’s life, where she learns to cook. While some people learn to cook willingly, others owe their skills to circumstances. In my opinion however, being able to cook is a part of being independent and hence, important. Do not worry my dear readers. I am not going to kill you by giving a lecture on “benefits of cooking”. I am jusssssssst coming to my point. Read on…
My neighbors have been trying to teach cooking to their 13 year old daughter. After a lot of efforts, she’s finally able to make tea now. She can make maggi too but well, that’s way below the standard of being able to cook (unless it involves some innovation!) My neighbors have a tendency of taking a little more sugar and salt in their food than the normal amount. Now when their daughter presented her fist cup of tea in front of me and I took the first sip, I thought: Legacy! But my thoughts did not cease there. I continued to think and think beyond that teeny tiny sugary issue. And I deduced that it is very important to ensure a healthy influence on kids for what they see is what they learn, apart from what they are taught. If a father praises Anna Hazare on one hand and on the other, commissions a pandit for an early visit at a temple, the child finds himself in a fix. If a daughter finds her mother disrespecting her elders, she probably will tread on the same path. In other words, when you cannot respect your parents, how can you expect your child to pay reverence to you? A close associate of mine is afraid of getting married because the marital life of his parents is so full of clashes. Thus, it is also important to have a similarity between what children are taught and they see, especially till the age they gain the power to think rationally because by the time they learn to object, their mind turns into curd (Deemag ka dahi ho jata hai!!)
I repeat, it all begins with what children see and what they are taught or the distinction between the two. No doubt there will exist what we call disagreement and resentment. But once you are able to view the big picture, these micro mini arguments seem worth it. I’d like to share a few instances from my own life here. My mother got me into cooking when I was barely eight years old. My dad literally freaks out when the food gets even slightly salty and this fact makes me remain cautious, always. At about the same age or a little earlier, I was given a room of my own that comprised of a study table, chair, a bed, a cupboard and loads of lights! Unlike other girls of my age, I have been sleeping alone since then and without turning the lights on. When I stepped out of my house four years back, I met a few girls in the hostel who were afraid to sleep with the lights off because they were totally unused to seeping alone. I don’t say that there is something weird about sleeping with your parents. I do cling to my Mommy and sleep whenever I visit home but I am not dependent. My parents made me eat all sorts of vegetables. My Dad wouldn’t move until I swallowed the last bite of tomatoes or bitter gourd in my plate (I literally swallowed them with water!). I hated them for the way they tortured me. That’s how I saw it then. But when I went to hostel, I found myself way more comfortable than others who threw tantrums regarding the menu. Although I still wouldn’t choose to eat such things on my own but at least I have become smart enough to pick a couple of tomato slices from the salad section (that I hated once). When I think of those days today, I don’t think that they tortured me. They must have tried to coax me affectionately first. But when it didn’t work, they simply bent their finger to fetch the ghee! ;-)
I feel parents and children should have a friendly relation but only to an extent. If a parent starts being a friend in all respects, he should make sure that he is still able to command respect from his child. For a person, there may be many friends but there is only one mother and only one father. And I would not want to lose that. But at the same time, it is very important to listen to a child’s opinions. But remember, he may not always be right and so can’t you. Forget your ego and choose a couple of paths that are right and enjoyable at the same time as well as lead to a common goal: your child’s betterment. In my neighbor’s case mentioned at the beginning, the idea could be to tell the girl to keep the amount of sugar and salt controlled. It’s never too late for them to change but if they are so unwilling to do so, at least they can bring about a change in their kid’s lifestyle to secure her future. If you are planning to give a present to your child or your younger sibling this Christmas, in addition to giving him what he wants (candies, toys, gadgets etc), give him what he would never ask for but needs desperately- a positive influence. And let that be so optimistic that your sweetheart will always be able to what out of darkness into sunshine in every phase and every sphere of his life. Play that silent role and sooner or later, it will be recognized. :-)
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